We’ve all heard the many clichés about forgiveness, right?

“It’s water under the bridge”

“Let bygones be bygones”

“To err is human, to forgive divine”

But I found myself thinking recently, if they really CAN apply to our lives.

A couple of weeks ago I made a call to a person that has been in my life for almost 10 years.  For a long time she was “my person”, often coined as “if you were a guy, you’d be my husband” kind of friend.

Truth be told we haven’t spoken in about 6 months…. will spare you details as they are both uncertain and irrelevant.

She has always been dear to my heart, I’ve missed her and she was the person I thought of and wanted to speak to about something I was dealing with.

I got her voicemail…left a detailed message of how I missed her and of my situation…. she hasn’t returned my call and we haven’t spoken.

I have to admit; I’m a little surprised and pretty hurt-which wanes as days pass.

Since then, I’ve wondered if I should have put the call – my feelings, my want for her to be here – out there and made the call without preparing a full on speech of apologies and forgiveness for whatever created the wedge in the first place. Or should I have?

From my perspective it was a “F*K it, she needs me now, nothing matters” type of situation. If the roles were reverse, I would put compassion and love at the forefront and show my support first, then deal with the mishap of our friendship later.  Is it that she doesn’t see it the same way? As far as friendships go, is it fair for me to have the same expectation of her?

Is there room in our lives to bury the hatchet and move on when the substance of a great relationship can still be there?

If we can’t remember why we’re fighting in the first place, then why not sweep it under the rug and relish in moving forward from today?

Or is there something in the words “I’m sorry” that keep us from finding the love, connectedness and compassion for a person that was there just the other day-or month even with the chips are down?

Does “love (really) conquer all”? Hmmm…maybe things aren’t quite what they seem and this is an exercise in letting go and not in forgiveness.

I messed up…I’m sorry

So I have a group of ladies I have been friends with forever, we are known as the ‘Hens”.  We have been through it all, marriages, divorce, kids, deaths, mortgages, being broke, broken hearted, drunk and dizzy….we don’t miss a heart beat despite not seeing one another weekly. These ladies are a great part of my life and I love them each dearly…So here is my story.

At different times this year we are all celebrating our monumental “25” birthday. Mine came first, and as a surprise the girls mailed me a gift card.  Great, I thought to myself, when I see the hens in September, I will get them each a little something.  Right? The 3^rd Hen’s B-day was in June, and I like an arse, forgot to call on that day, but left a message the following day. Again, in the back of my mind, I was seeing the ladies in September; we would all celebrate together then. Well, Hen #4 had a party last week, and of course we were all there to celebrate with her.  To make a long story short, I see the June Hen and she reams me out for not sending her a b-day card, saying that even on that one occasion I did not get her a card! I apologized, she cussed me out.  Well, with a few drinks, there is usually a lot of cussing going on so I didn’t take it personally. Yet, I have been thinking about it since. Gee, am I that bad of a friend for not sending a card? Did I really offend her? Is she really pissed?  Out of guilt, I went looking for a belated b-day card, but found none. Well, found none, because I am not really one to shop for cards for any occasion, and I wasn’t going to spend money on something that said nothing plus the cost of postage.  So I decided to stick to my original plan of getting each of the Hens a little something for when I see them next week.

Today, I found the cards- they have great powerful and motivating statements on the front cover and blank inside so I can say my own thing, plus the perfect little something to commemorate our monumental ‘25^th’.

So have I redeemed myself or is she still going to think I’m an arse?

Till next time, love yourself and your family

Pina